is in knots.
My mind is running.
I'm leaping already.

For someone who I know
That will never be there
In the end
But it's nice to pretend
It's nice to love
Without caution
Without care
But in the end there will be
Heartbreak
I know it
But I don't care right now
All I care about is you
As much as I don't want
To say this
I feel like I must...

I love you.
[♥]


Yes, I know I'm crazy...Please Help Me.

So lets pour our lies into each others wine glass
And watch each other drink them up
Pretending it was the real thing
This whole thing was F.A.K.E.
But it's to late now
I think i've got to go
Don't try to keep me locked up
Let my soul out
The pressure weakens the heart
To a point where it breaks
And all you see is a girl sitting across the table
You simply can not get enough
You want it
Oh you want it
Oh all for your own
You can't keep things hidden
Like a cold case
Things must be shown
Lies and secrets must be told
Before I walk away today
So if you want to see me again
Spit it all out
I want to see your insides
I want to see you cry
To see what kind of a man you really are deep down inside

It doesn't feel like it.
Neither did Christmas.
This is going to take some time to get used to.
I refer to 2007 as "Next Year".
When technicaly now, that would be 2008.
Then I would be in 10th grade.
And that would be one step closer to Senior year.
Which is scary.
The "real" world.
And I should be happy.
1/14.
And the chance to meet them.
But I'm not.
:/
Kinda sad.
Because 2006 was so great.
So many shows and great memories and friends.
But New ones are to come.
New shows, memories and friends.
So Its time to let go of the old ones.
Wipe the slate clean.
And say Hello to 2007.

Below 32 degrees out.
I'm freezing.
You just stand there.
We walk in.
After we sign in.
We walk through the door.
You leave me.
So you can go see haley.
A girl that never gives you the time of day.
And here I sit.
In the crowd,
Because I can't find any of my friends.
It hurts.
Because I know that you saw me there.
All alone.
But you were to busy,
Waiting for haley.
I thought that this would make us friends again.
But It just made it 10 times worse.
And don't say that I'm being a bitch.
How would have you reacted?
You would have been pissed if I blew you off.
I don't know why I said yes.
I had a feeling that this wouldn't go well.
Why would you ask me if you were going to do this?
But I put a face on that night.
But it wasn't the makeup.
A smile.
Holding back the tears.
Still to this day I guess I still have feelings for you.
But not like that.
I don't want you.
Since you've changed.
People say that people change.
I never thought that was possible.
Until you did.
And I thought that if they did,
It would be for the best.
But in your case,
It's for the worse.
Why can't you be who you really are?
I just don't understand.

For those 2 1/2 little minutes
My life is a little better.
My mind gets lost in the sweet voice
I become a rock star
I'm the one on stage
They all love me
I'm the one they paid to see
The the final beat is played
I open my eyes
& I'm still sitting in my bed.
With the earphones on full blast.

I don't know if I made the right choice.
I don't know if I'll regret this later.
Should I have said no?
Or was I right to say yes?
But I guess that's what life is about.
Living & learning.
Taking chances.
But the chances that I've taken before
Have left me broken & bruised.
But you cant tell the future.
If you could,
Youd be a millionaire.
It's all about using the knowledge that you've collected
& Use it to your best ability.
You have to stand by your choices.
Have no doubt.
Be your own superman.
Save yourself.
& Choose your fate.

Learn to Love
Learn to Live
Learn to forgive
Learn to forget
Learn to Learn
Learn a lot
Learn Something
Because You Only Live Once
& Once You Realize That You Need to Learn
Everything & Everyone is Gone
You're Left Alone
No Matter How Loud You Scream
Nobody Will Answer
So Learn Something
Before It's to Late

©Me

I
[s w o o n]
over writing.
I don't know why.
I don't know what it is.
But it calms me.
My mind is on
[o v e r l o a d]
This helps.
I swoon like I swoon over guys.
And only if you know me.
You'll know how bad I've got it.

Ink running thought my veins.
Thought my finger tips.
I find peace here.
The pen & paper together.
No fights.
Unless I mess up something.
I can hear them.
Together.
Music to my bleeding.
Paper is my drum.
Pen is my stick.
Hyphen me in.
Silence.
Broken by the hearts that are broken.
We come together.
Form peace.
All shapes & sizes.
They come.
We ask for the password.
They don't know.
Yet we let them in anyway.
We love.
That's all we do.
Writers have no idea what they write.
What it means.
It just comes out.
Don't ask.
Don't yell.
Don't blame.
I just guild the pen.
It does the hard part.

I want to say sorry
I want to be friends again
But something keeps me from saying it
Cats got my tongue
I'm not weak
You've seen
I can put up a fight
I'm Stubborn
I know
It's not my fault
The carpet I was walking on
So Sturdy.
Or so I thought
Was ripped right out
From under my feet
Confusion
I'm sorry
But I'm always going to hate you
One little part of you
Once I say something
I feel bad
& think I'm standing up for myself
There's more then one fight here
You & me
My good side & bad side
&
Mom & me
We're not getting anywhere
I'm sorry
But when that hits my tongue
I feel wrong & right
Is it possible
Possible for us to be friends
Even thought a part of me hates a part of you
Can we be in that gray area
Between friend or foe
That's all I can guarantee
I'm sorry
But my moods are ghey
:/

I love her.
The one who will never break my heart.
I know that for a fact.
She loves me too much.
& so do I.
I would die without her.
& we're hanging on a string.
Just barely.
A friendship trying to stay alive.
Im sick of writing about him.
The heartbreak.
The fight.



We've had some good times.
Great buttseckz. [inside joke]
Long Laughs.
You were the greatest thing thats happened to me.
<33

I just wanna say,
Thanx for everything.

So now your going to start the peddy shit.
Deleting me from your friends
Isn't going to solve the problem.
But hey
You go right ahead.
I've finally found the reason
You got rid of me.
So you wouldn't be attached.
So you could be free again.
So you could ask girls out on the first day.
Two months ago
You said you didn't want a girlfriend.
I knew that was bullshit from the beginning.
Two months later,
You have a girlfriend.
Congrats.
You won.
But I warn you.
Your going to choke.
Shes going to want to kiss you.
Your not going to have a clue.
Good luck to her.
Five months & four days.
No kiss.
You never wanted to hug me.
Nothing.
Hands off.

You think a cheap imitation of words
Already said was going to cut it?
Make everything ok?
Think again.
You think you were hurt?
Buddy, I was hit with a Hurricane.
You made me fall again.
You made me think we still had a chance.
I was disappointed.
Why don't you just come out & say it?
Say what your thinking.
This would be quicker.
& A whole lot less hurt.
Less tears.
Less blood.
Less cat fights.
Quit misleading me.
Please.
I've said it before.
But I never stuck to it.
I let you back in.
This time, I'm real.
I'm done.
I'm sorry I couldn't be like them.
You never made it easy.
A trick.
Hehe.
The joke was on me.
But they'll never know you the way that I do.
Good.
Your gone.
Out of it all.
Whatever.
I can't do this anymore.
Now I know why people kill themselves.
Cut or kill others.
It's because of people like you.
You make their life miserable.
You make it hell.
You make it so all they think about is you.
Then you take it away.
WARNING:
Up ahead.
Unfamiliar grounds.
They are lost.
Need help & can't find it.
Then you give it back.
& take it away again.
It's the most terrible feeling,
I've ever felt.
I sometimes feel like them.
It makes me want to not have a heart.
Be Tin man.
Just for a day.
So it all goes away.
Taking candy away from a baby.
I'll just stick to friends right now.
Protect myself.
My armor.
Clench my shield in my fist.
Hold it against my chest.
Where my heart used to be.
So I can pretend this never happened.
Like I still have one.
Come knock on my door.
Ask me to battle.
I'm sorry.
I'm not allowed to come & play.
I'm cleaning my room.
Looking for the pieces of my heart.
Remember,
You shattered it.
It's in a million pieces.
I go and collect it.
& put it together again.
Then glue it.
Place it in this hole.
Stitch it up.
Maybe someday we can play again.
This game they call love.
But not today.
Game over.
Come back when you know how to pay nice.
Make it so when you leave,
It doesn't hurt as much.
But I don't know
If I'll be able to love again.
I'm only gluing it together again.
The magic is gone.
The feeling is lost.
You stole it all.
Remember?
You stole it & killed it.
So now I'm done.
Take a break.
I've said what I needed to say.
& if you can't understand.
I'm sorry.
Your literate.
I'm tired of this game.
I want off.
It's time for me to go home.
I'm sorry you can't understand.
But read between the lines.
This is the only way I can
Express my thoughts.
I'm not good with real words.
To bad.
I'm going to find someone who loves me.
Understands.
Who can read between the lines.
So I'm done my rant.
Goodbye
Have a nice life without me.

Lier.
That's what you are.
Its half & half.
A love/hate relationship.
Feeling like nothing.
Pissing time away.
That's what it was.
I'm glad we're not together.
Then you would have dumped me for a prep.
& if only I had the balls to ask someone out?
Who asked who?
I recall it was me.
That was the biggest chance I've ever taken.
& It turned out to be the biggest mistake.
I took you for grated.
I shouldn't have said it.
Those three words.
I love you.
They made the bond stronger.
& when you broke that.
I died.

xoxo- travis

I didn't get the memo.
I though it was based on
How you felt around the person.
How they can always make you smile.
How they know just when to say the right things.
How your heart beats the same way, the same time.
How your whole mind is focused on them.
Not looks.
Not what their attention is on the most.
I can't keep doing this.
I want to, but I just can't.
I'll act like I can take the punch,
But really I'm murdered on the inside.
I never though It would come to this.
I never though that I would see the day.
That I would never love you anymore.
That I would see you & not get happy.
Maybe I wasn't suppost to find out.
Maybe things will change for you,
But I don't think they will for me right now.
As much as I want to love you, I know
I can't.
I shouldn't
I won't.
I can't let it happen again.
I'm done for good.
& I'm never turning back.
I'm sorry.

I want it.
& The more I have,
The more I want.
Even when I realize that its bad for me.
Its gonna hurt in the end.
& I don't want the end to come.
The music controls my mind.
It takes me away.
From all of this.
But sweetie,
You had me.
Acting like 12.
Brain-washed.
That's what I want.
For all of this to go away.
But not just temporary.
Forever.
But whats a crush to do?
God, I'm so pathetic.

Mood swings.
Love.
Hate.
Middle.
Can't deside.
One minute,
Its a fight.
Another,
I'm falling again.
I really don't know what to do.
Its like I'm sinking on a boat
& I'm trying to find my way out.
Dead ends
&
Hurt feelings.
I don't want to.
But I do.
Fights in my mind.
I'm losing it.
I'm not flawless.
I have my own problems too.
I'm just getting up for the let down.
Landing on my Face.
Red cheeks.
Embarrassed.
Feelings.
I just want them to stop.
They are playing a game.
Let's fuck with her mind.
Make it so bad that she can't sleep at night.
I'm the enemy.
So go ahead,
Sue me.
It wouldn't be the worse that I've been through.
Swoon take 2.
Second time around.
The Ins & Outs.
Check One.
Check Two.
Is this thing on?
I need your full
ATTENTION.
Holt.
Stop.
You're killing me.
Making me restless.
If you loved me,
You'd stop.
Why do I still love you?
Is this love at all?
Questions that will never be answered.

Dear you,
Why am I falling again?
Haven't I learned?
I guess not.
Better luck next time.
Love,
Me.

He has to be.
He planed this.
Its amaz.
She is like the sister
I never had.
We make eachother's nights.
And can finish each other's sentence.
When she's in the dumps,
I bring her up high.
It makes me feel better too.
Like I just saved her.
Yet I save myself too.
I feel like I have no purpose,
Unless I need to lift someone up.
& it doesn't bother me.
Its like I live for this.
& Maybe it was my soul purpose.
Just maybe I'm an angel
To save people I encounter.
I'm a life preserver.
Saving them from drowning
This is making me think that maybe
Just maybe
He is up there.

Dear you,
Thank you.
Thank you
For Letting
Me into your
life.
Love,
Me.