My pen is the barrel of the gun.

My Pen

2007-06-28T01:40:32Z

is cold.
My brain has taken a extremely long break.
I miss posting my heart out for all the world to see.
Things in my life have changed.
The lyrics are just running together.
I need something new.
I need an aventure.
Please take me out.
Lets have fun.
I need that.
And I miss this.
ily♥

My heart

2007-05-27T01:07:52Z

is in knots.
My mind is running.
I'm leaping already.

I'm slipping, I'm falling...

2007-04-08T17:34:13Z

For someone who I know
That will never be there
In the end
But it's nice to pretend
It's nice to love
Without caution
Without care
But in the end there will be
Heartbreak
I know it
But I don't care right now
All I care about is you
As much as I don't want
To say this
I feel like I must...

I love you.
[♥]

Yes, I know I'm crazy...Please Help Me.

And it always seems to be me who leaves

2007-01-08T22:13:00Z

So lets pour our lies into each others wine glass
And watch each other drink them up
Pretending it was the real thing
This whole thing was F.A.K.E.
But it's to late now
I think i've got to go
Don't try to keep me locked up
Let my soul out
The pressure weakens the heart
To a point where it breaks
And all you see is a girl sitting across the table
You simply can not get enough
You want it
Oh you want it
Oh all for your own
You can't keep things hidden
Like a cold case
Things must be shown
Lies and secrets must be told
Before I walk away today
So if you want to see me again
Spit it all out
I want to see your insides
I want to see you cry
To see what kind of a man you really are deep down inside

First Few Thoughts of 2007

2007-01-01T05:21:19Z

It doesn't feel like it.
Neither did Christmas.
This is going to take some time to get used to.
I refer to 2007 as "Next Year".
When technicaly now, that would be 2008.
Then I would be in 10th grade.
And that would be one step closer to Senior year.
Which is scary.
The "real" world.
And I should be happy.
1/14.
And the chance to meet them.
But I'm not.
:/
Kinda sad.
Because 2006 was so great.
So many shows and great memories and friends.
But New ones are to come.
New shows, memories and friends.
So Its time to let go of the old ones.
Wipe the slate clean.
And say Hello to 2007.

Homecoming 06 Didn't Turn Out So Good.

2006-11-05T22:41:23Z

Below 32 degrees out.
I'm freezing.
You just stand there.
We walk in.
After we sign in.
We walk through the door.
You leave me.
So you can go see haley.
A girl that never gives you the time of day.
And here I sit.
In the crowd,
Because I can't find any of my friends.
It hurts.
Because I know that you saw me there.
All alone.
But you were to busy,
Waiting for haley.
I thought that this would make us friends again.
But It just made it 10 times worse.
And don't say that I'm being a bitch.
How would have you reacted?
You would have been pissed if I blew you off.
I don't know why I said yes.
I had a feeling that this wouldn't go well.
Why would you ask me if you were going to do this?
But I put a face on that night.
But it wasn't the makeup.
A smile.
Holding back the tears.
Still to this day I guess I still have feelings for you.
But not like that.
I don't want you.
Since you've changed.
People say that people change.
I never thought that was possible.
Until you did.
And I thought that if they did,
It would be for the best.
But in your case,
It's for the worse.
Why can't you be who you really are?
I just don't understand.

<3

2006-10-31T01:51:11Z

For those 2 1/2 little minutes
My life is a little better.
My mind gets lost in the sweet voice
I become a rock star
I'm the one on stage
They all love me
I'm the one they paid to see
The the final beat is played
I open my eyes
& I'm still sitting in my bed.
With the earphones on full blast.

Choose Your Fate

2006-10-26T20:05:45Z

I don't know if I made the right choice.
I don't know if I'll regret this later.
Should I have said no?
Or was I right to say yes?
But I guess that's what life is about.
Living & learning.
Taking chances.
But the chances that I've taken before
Have left me broken & bruised.
But you cant tell the future.
If you could,
Youd be a millionaire.
It's all about using the knowledge that you've collected
& Use it to your best ability.
You have to stand by your choices.
Have no doubt.
Be your own superman.
Save yourself.
& Choose your fate.

Because You Only Live Once.

2006-10-23T23:38:56Z

Learn to Love
Learn to Live
Learn to forgive
Learn to forget
Learn to Learn
Learn a lot
Learn Something
Because You Only Live Once
& Once You Realize That You Need to Learn
Everything & Everyone is Gone
You're Left Alone
No Matter How Loud You Scream
Nobody Will Answer
So Learn Something
Before It's to Late

©Me

[s w o o n]

2006-10-02T23:04:36Z

I
[s w o o n]
over writing.
I don't know why.
I don't know what it is.
But it calms me.
My mind is on
[o v e r l o a d]
This helps.
I swoon like I swoon over guys.
And only if you know me.
You'll know how bad I've got it.

Love, peace & music.

2006-10-02T23:02:13Z

Ink running thought my veins.
Thought my finger tips.
I find peace here.
The pen & paper together.
No fights.
Unless I mess up something.
I can hear them.
Together.
Music to my bleeding.
Paper is my drum.
Pen is my stick.
Hyphen me in.
Silence.
Broken by the hearts that are broken.
We come together.
Form peace.
All shapes & sizes.
They come.
We ask for the password.
They don't know.
Yet we let them in anyway.
We love.
That's all we do.
Writers have no idea what they write.
What it means.
It just comes out.
Don't ask.
Don't yell.
Don't blame.
I just guild the pen.
It does the hard part.

ihrskgsg

2006-09-28T21:29:52Z

I want to say sorry
I want to be friends again
But something keeps me from saying it
Cats got my tongue
I'm not weak
You've seen
I can put up a fight
I'm Stubborn
I know
It's not my fault
The carpet I was walking on
So Sturdy.
Or so I thought
Was ripped right out
From under my feet
Confusion
I'm sorry
But I'm always going to hate you
One little part of you
Once I say something
I feel bad
& think I'm standing up for myself
There's more then one fight here
You & me
My good side & bad side
&
Mom & me
We're not getting anywhere
I'm sorry
But when that hits my tongue
I feel wrong & right
Is it possible
Possible for us to be friends
Even thought a part of me hates a part of you
Can we be in that gray area
Between friend or foe
That's all I can guarantee
I'm sorry
But my moods are ghey
:/

To Eileen

2006-09-17T22:10:30Z

I love her.
The one who will never break my heart.
I know that for a fact.
She loves me too much.
& so do I.
I would die without her.
& we're hanging on a string.
Just barely.
A friendship trying to stay alive.
Im sick of writing about him.
The heartbreak.
The fight.

We've had some good times.
Great buttseckz. [inside joke]
Long Laughs.
You were the greatest thing thats happened to me.
<33

I just wanna say,
Thanx for everything.

[insert clever title here]

2006-09-08T19:17:24Z

So now your going to start the peddy shit.
Deleting me from your friends
Isn't going to solve the problem.
But hey
You go right ahead.
I've finally found the reason
You got rid of me.
So you wouldn't be attached.
So you could be free again.
So you could ask girls out on the first day.
Two months ago
You said you didn't want a girlfriend.
I knew that was bullshit from the beginning.
Two months later,
You have a girlfriend.
Congrats.
You won.
But I warn you.
Your going to choke.
Shes going to want to kiss you.
Your not going to have a clue.
Good luck to her.
Five months & four days.
No kiss.
You never wanted to hug me.
Nothing.
Hands off.

The final Showdown.

2006-09-07T20:38:59Z

You think a cheap imitation of words
Already said was going to cut it?
Make everything ok?
Think again.
You think you were hurt?
Buddy, I was hit with a Hurricane.
You made me fall again.
You made me think we still had a chance.
I was disappointed.
Why don't you just come out & say it?
Say what your thinking.
This would be quicker.
& A whole lot less hurt.
Less tears.
Less blood.
Less cat fights.
Quit misleading me.
Please.
I've said it before.
But I never stuck to it.
I let you back in.
This time, I'm real.
I'm done.
I'm sorry I couldn't be like them.
You never made it easy.
A trick.
Hehe.
The joke was on me.
But they'll never know you the way that I do.
Good.
Your gone.
Out of it all.
Whatever.
I can't do this anymore.
Now I know why people kill themselves.
Cut or kill others.
It's because of people like you.
You make their life miserable.
You make it hell.
You make it so all they think about is you.
Then you take it away.
WARNING:
Up ahead.
Unfamiliar grounds.
They are lost.
Need help & can't find it.
Then you give it back.
& take it away again.
It's the most terrible feeling,
I've ever felt.
I sometimes feel like them.
It makes me want to not have a heart.
Be Tin man.
Just for a day.
So it all goes away.
Taking candy away from a baby.
I'll just stick to friends right now.
Protect myself.
My armor.
Clench my shield in my fist.
Hold it against my chest.
Where my heart used to be.
So I can pretend this never happened.
Like I still have one.
Come knock on my door.
Ask me to battle.
I'm sorry.
I'm not allowed to come & play.
I'm cleaning my room.
Looking for the pieces of my heart.
Remember,
You shattered it.
It's in a million pieces.
I go and collect it.
& put it together again.
Then glue it.
Place it in this hole.
Stitch it up.
Maybe someday we can play again.
This game they call love.
But not today.
Game over.
Come back when you know how to pay nice.
Make it so when you leave,
It doesn't hurt as much.
But I don't know
If I'll be able to love again.
I'm only gluing it together again.
The magic is gone.
The feeling is lost.
You stole it all.
Remember?
You stole it & killed it.
So now I'm done.
Take a break.
I've said what I needed to say.
& if you can't understand.
I'm sorry.
Your literate.
I'm tired of this game.
I want off.
It's time for me to go home.
I'm sorry you can't understand.
But read between the lines.
This is the only way I can
Express my thoughts.
I'm not good with real words.
To bad.
I'm going to find someone who loves me.
Understands.
Who can read between the lines.
So I'm done my rant.
Goodbye
Have a nice life without me.

Middle Name: Fake.

2006-09-03T17:04:54Z

Lier.
That's what you are.
Its half & half.
A love/hate relationship.
Feeling like nothing.
Pissing time away.
That's what it was.
I'm glad we're not together.
Then you would have dumped me for a prep.
& if only I had the balls to ask someone out?
Who asked who?
I recall it was me.
That was the biggest chance I've ever taken.
& It turned out to be the biggest mistake.
I took you for grated.
I shouldn't have said it.
Those three words.
I love you.
They made the bond stronger.
& when you broke that.
I died.

xoxo- ~~travis~~

The rules have changed.

2006-08-14T05:37:41Z

I didn't get the memo.
I though it was based on
How you felt around the person.
How they can always make you smile.
How they know just when to say the right things.
How your heart beats the same way, the same time.
How your whole mind is focused on them.
Not looks.
Not what their attention is on the most.
I can't keep doing this.
I want to, but I just can't.
I'll act like I can take the punch,
But really I'm murdered on the inside.
I never though It would come to this.
I never though that I would see the day.
That I would never love you anymore.
That I would see you & not get happy.
Maybe I wasn't suppost to find out.
Maybe things will change for you,
But I don't think they will for me right now.
As much as I want to love you, I know
I can't.
I shouldn't
I won't.
I can't let it happen again.
I'm done for good.
& I'm never turning back.
I'm sorry.

Its Like a Drug

2006-08-02T15:02:19Z

I want it.
& The more I have,
The more I want.
Even when I realize that its bad for me.
Its gonna hurt in the end.
& I don't want the end to come.
The music controls my mind.
It takes me away.
From all of this.
But sweetie,
You had me.
Acting like 12.
Brain-washed.
That's what I want.
For all of this to go away.
But not just temporary.
Forever.
But whats a crush to do?
God, I'm so pathetic.

Is he really up there?

2006-07-19T05:14:30Z

He has to be.
He planed this.
Its amaz.
She is like the sister
I never had.
We make eachother's nights.
And can finish each other's sentence.
When she's in the dumps,
I bring her up high.
It makes me feel better too.
Like I just saved her.
Yet I save myself too.
I feel like I have no purpose,
Unless I need to lift someone up.
& it doesn't bother me.
Its like I live for this.
& Maybe it was my soul purpose.
Just maybe I'm an angel
To save people I encounter.
I'm a life preserver.
Saving them from drowning
This is making me think that maybe
Just maybe
He is up there.

Dear you,
Thank you.
Thank you
For Letting
Me into your
life.
Love,
Me.

It's Over Already?

2006-07-18T03:59:29Z

Summer.
Rain.
Rain.
Rain.
Then came the heat.
Like a punch to the face.
It feels like it just started.
But its just ending.
No more splashing around in the pool.
Fall.
Cold winds from the door.
Wearing three layers.
High school.
A new start.
New halls to walk.
New friends to make.
New secrets.
New inside jokes.
New relationship.
New chapter in my life.
The closing of another.
But what if I don't want to close it just yet.
I want to hold onto the friends I once had.
Emptiness will replace you.
Nobody can.
Just the memories.
The jokes.
The laughs.
The sleepovers , partys & dances.
All gone.
Never again.
But new jokes & laughs will cover these.
Like wallpaper.
But they are still there.
You were a lasting impression.
When I close my eyes
I see you.
Our times together.
But when we grow up,
(Will we ever?)
We'll bump into each other.
Do I know you,
You look familiar.
Found mr. right.
Settled down.
Had a child.
But yet we are the same kids we were.
Will our jokes still be funny?
Or stupid?
Will the bands we liked still be around?
Times will change but we won't.

Please,
Remember us.
Remember this.
Remember me.
Remember

Things I Could Never Say To Your Face

2006-07-13T19:48:06Z

It bugs me.
Takes up most of my mind.
In my world.
Nothing is held back.
There are alot of people
That I feel like this about.
It might be you.
It might not.
I'll never tell.
But, thats why I
Can't tell you to your face.
I'll mix them up
So you can't tell.
Teeheehee.
I hate how you talk to me.
I hate what has happened between us.
I hate how you think your better than me.
I hate how you never gave me a second chance,How you put her before me.
I hate how you always blame me.
I hate you.
I hate your confidence.
I hate how you treat me.
I hate how you stole my friends.
I hate your silence.
I hate you & your friends.
I hate how you can get anyone you want.
There would be more
But I can't think.
I do feel much better now though.
Like weight has been lifted off of me.
Its weird.

First time: ok This time: not so "ok"

2006-07-02T02:43:22Z

Fireworks again.
Thoughts of us.
In my head.
Circles.
First thought:
My first entry about fireworks.
You.
Good thoughts.
Then they vanish.
A flood.
Memories wiped away.
The feeling right after it happened.
A pit in my stomach.
Emptiness is on full.
Put a stamp on that envelope.
Shivers.
Send it to my spine.
People I could walk on.
The fireworks didn't seem as bright without you.
I'm better off without.
I see them off in the distance.
Squinting.
Very small.
Hurts the eyes.
Holder of the key.
I need to unlock my brain.
Love VS hate.
Which one?
Friend or foe?
Can I pick?
I still can't believe it,
I still ~~love~~ think of you

Hidden in the shadows, but not in my heart

2006-06-28T00:55:46Z

You See This Boy ↓

He gets overlooked all the time.
Its sad.
He is just as important as Pete, Patrick & Joe.

But yet the limelight doesn't shine on the his skin nearly as much.
A nerdy, soft-spoken vegan with major drumming skills.
What more could you want?
Just because he isn't as "HAWTT" as p3+3 w3n+z
& isn't the new teenie craze
Doesn't mean he doesn't exsist.
Just because he isn't as cute & chubby(not to be mean) as Patrick
Doesn't mean he doesn't deserve respect.
& Just because he doesn't make funny faces like Trohmania
Doesn't mean he doesnt deserve love.

For all so-called Fall Out Boy fans
Who only like them because of pete
or
Don't really care/respect/know of Mr. Andrew John Hurley:
YOUR NOT REAL FANS
& until you can respect & care about all of the members
Respect their personal lifes
Care about they're feeling
You will never be a real, true fan.
This boy has talent.
He pwns the drums.
&
He pwns a special place in my heart.
Forever & Always

Pete Wentz,
That son of a bitch has nothing on
Hurley Burley

That bastard stole my heart & never gave it the fuck back

2006-06-20T05:53:22Z

I swear he did.
No matter how many times we call him a pedo,
I still love him.
Love him in the fact that he's so great and helped alot of people through his music.
And yes, he is cute.
The music has become my best friend.
Not really FOB but THS/AFI/FFTL/P!ATD
He has opened the doors for me to these great bands.
I swear that if it wasn't for him,
Shitty music would fill my ears & heart.

Overplayed and Overrated lyrics playing through my mind like a cd.
Bullshit, that's all it is.
And the fact that his music isn't like that
makes me swoonX13000 times over.
I don't know why this boy has such an impact on me.
When he hurts, you can tell through his words and than
you hurt.

When he's happy, his bright smile shows it and it
brightens up your day for a bit.

When I saw this picture,
I felt pain.
Look at his hand.
He said he had an argument with the wall and the wall won.

He must have been pretty pissed.
And when I saw him not even say more that five words at the MMVA's
And sign things for fans,
Even when his hand has to hurt like hell.
That stands out to me.
Pete mush be my twin
Because I can feel everything he does.
I feel as if I know everything about him.
Ive pushed my way through his life
And didn't care.

How could I be so selfish?
Sometimes I wish that ill find someone like pete
And live happily ever after.
And its amazing that no matter what he would do or say
That I would stand up for him,
Sad? Yes, I know.

How can someone that I don't know effect my life like this?
How can I love someone that doesn't even know I exist?
I really don't know.
I think that i'll love him and his music until I die.
He means the world to me...

Why don't you come and join me for awhile?

2006-06-15T01:32:03Z

Things I Hate:
1)Being Lonely
2)Being Bored
3)Haven't seen any of my friends in like two weeks
4)The fact that I can't find any music on my iPod that can amuse me.
5)My Cell, It hasn't rung in weeks
6)The pain from my toe that I cut tonight
7)This Past Saturday/Sunday
8)The Fact that I Haven't gone anywhere with friends this summer yet.
Things I Love:
1)Him still
2)Her idearlymissyou
3)Selling my crap on Ebay for $$ for Clandestine.
4)My Bed, even though I don't get to sleep in that much
5)Myspace, even though nobody is talking to me.
6)you

I dearly miss the warmth of your smile, all of you
♥X♥X♥
If your reading this, never forget what we all had.
♥X♥X♥
Next week maybe we can all get together?